Using Music To Heal in Addiction Recovery
Music is a powerful source for healing. The melodies and lyrics of music have a way of deploying emotional responses in a healthy and productive fashion. Music can help individuals cope with pain, whether it be emotional or physical. From a scientific perspective, music lowers the Cortisol levels in our bodies, which is the hormone that induces stress and therefore, helps us to experience relief from our daily life stressors. One of the wonderful things about music is that everyone can find some type of music that matches their listening preferences. Here are ten ways in which music can help you heal: 1. Sleep Aid Listening to music can help calm the mind and therefore, lead you into a restful sleep. This is a much healthier way to catch those ZZZZ’s as opposed to non-holistic sleep aids. 2. Stress Relief Because music stimulates a biochemical response within the human body, it can act as a stress reliever. Have you ever been angry and, in order to cope with the anger, blasted your favorite ‘angry music’? Don’t you feel better afterward? I know I do! 3. Pain Relief Believe or not, music does have the ability to distract the mind from pain by activating sensory pathways in the body that are used to combat the pain pathways. In a nutshell, music can help distract you from feeling the pain. 4. Fights Anxiety Music is like a massage for your mind. It can be an excellent resource when you are feeling anxious by massaging away at the anxiety and providing relief to the brain. 5. Fights Depression Genre plays a crucial role in helping to reduce feelings of depression when it comes to music. Listening to calm and soothing music will most likely help soothe the feelings associated with depression versus heavy metal or punk rock. 6. Eases Nervousness Music that has a catchy beat or a quick pace can often times help calm the nerves, particular before an event that gives you the jitters or butterflies in your stomach. 7. Promotes Physical Activity Have you ever gone to the gym and listened to fast-paced music? If the answer is yes, did you feel more motivated to work out harder and longer? I know when I go to the gym, the faster the pace the harder I work. Listening to your favorite fast-paced tracks can help boost your motivation and your endurance while engaging in any form of physical activity. 8. Improves Cognitive Function Believe it or not, music can boost one’s cognitive abilities! Have you ever listened to music when you are working on a task that requires extreme focus? Perhaps while studying, writing a paper, etcetera? If you haven’t, try it sometime and see for yourself. 9. Meditation It is no secret that listening to slower music can have a calming effect on an individual. The slower music allows your brainwaves to slow down, thereby putting you into a calm and meditative state. This can help ease symptoms associated with behavioral problems. Think about trying this next time you feel anxious or even try it with your child if they’re having a rough day and needs some space to calm down. 10. Blood Vessel Function The human body has a very physical response to music. When you are listening to music you really enjoy and that makes you happy, your blood flow increases, which in turn promotes healthy blood vessel function. Neat right?! Next time you listen to music, take note of how your body is responding, whether it is physical, emotional or both. Below are quotes from staff and patients who have used music as a healing technique: “Music is a calming source for me. Once I pick up that guitar and touch the strings, it helps soothe the noise in my mind. I feel like I can just allow my emotions to come out through the sounds of the guitar” “Music allows me to find my center. I like to play calm and melodic music when I am meditating or doing yoga” “Music makes me feel more centered. I enjoy the fast-paced genres more than anything else. Regardless of my mood, the music helps me to feel more relaxed and less stressed” Author: Bonnie Wright, MBA – Footprints to Recovery – Executive Director Colorado
5 Unique Ways to Have More Energy
You are clean and sober so, you should be feeling on top of the world. You should be full of energy. You should be jumping out of bed at 6:00 am, no alarm clock necessary. You have so much energy that one might even call you over productive. You are basically a living breathing Disney character. This is how life goes when you are in recovery, right?!?!? Wrong! More often than not, someone who is new to recovery experiences overwhelming bouts of fatigue. Your body, mind, and spirit have gone through shock. You were dependent on a substance that, for many people, was helping you function or even get out of bed. So how do you raise those energy levels? If the first thing that came to mind was a pot of coffee, 2 Monster energy drinks, and a bag of sugary candy, PLEASE read on! 1. Tap Your Thymus Did you just start tapping around the top of your leg? Not even close! Your thymus is located at the top middle part of your chest, just under your collarbone. It is called by many the “happiness point\” on your body because it is the organ that controls your lymphatic system which is responsible for rid your body of toxins. Lightly tapping the area boosts energy, relieves stress, increases strength, and triggers the production of T-Cells which keep your immunity up to fight off anything from the common cold to a nasty flu virus. Try tapping it for 20-30 seconds while breathing deeply for an instant energy boost. 2. Drink Some Matcha… At 10:30 AM Can’t survive without your java in the morning? Time to reach for something green. Matcha is a finely ground powder of specially grown and processed green tea leaves. It has a quarter of the caffeine that coffee has but, unlike your morning cup of joe, it will not give you the caffeine spike just to drop your energy 3-4 hours later leaving you running for your second cup. Matcha gives you a sense of calm alertness not to mention, it boosts your mood and metabolism. Need that caffeine fix as soon as your eyes open? Try and wait until 10:30 am. Studies prove that cortisol levels spike between 8:00-9:00 AM, and during this time your body isn’t able to process caffeine as effectively. Waiting until 10:30 AM can maximize your morning buzz. 3. Make Your Happy List I hate naps! You know how everyone says, “just take a quick power nap and you will feel so much better!” If by quick power nap you mean go to sleep for the next 3 hours and wake up not knowing what time it is or how the heck you are going to get to bed at a reasonable hour, then yes, I’m awesome at naps. If it’s 3:00 during a workday and, I’m hitting an afternoon slump, I take a 15-minute break and bust out my calendar. I look at the next few weeks and what I have going on that brings me enjoyment. Next, I make a list of possible outfits I want to wear, a dish or recipe that I want to bring to a friend’s house to watch football on Sunday, or I look at the blank spaces in my schedule and plan out going to the movies or catching up with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. I find the excitement of seeing all the good times ahead to be an instant endorphin booster! 4. Stop and Smell the Rosemary When you are ready for bed, it’s time to sip on the chamomile tea and spray your sheets with a little bit of lavender. When you need some pep in your step, consider taking in a couple whiffs of rosemary. Rosemary is one of the essential oils that is stimulating to the body. Scholars in ancient Greece used to wear wreaths of rosemary around their head to boost their brain power. Whether it’s fresh from the garden or a little bottle of the essential oil, just a few breaths in can instantly trigger alertness and invigorate your senses. 5. Pump Some Iron and Eat it Too! It seems counterproductive to go to the gym when you are tired but, exercise strengthens circulation and heart muscles so, it gives more energy to your body. On some of my laziest days, I make myself go to the gym in the morning. Although I may be grumbling the whole way there and telling myself, “30 minutes and I’m done”, I’ve found that my morning workouts give me sustained energy throughout the day. If you find you are constantly in a state of exhaustion, you could have an iron deficiency. Iron is essential for producing hemoglobin, which carries oxygen to your body’s cells, where it is used to produce energy. Try filling your daily meals with leafy green veggies, dried beans, and red meats. Who knew a little steak could give you an energy boost when you can’t get your body moooooovin’. Listen, I know that some winter mornings it’s impossible to get out of bed when it’s pitch black outside. At times, that sun beaming in your window at 5:45 in the summer can make you wish it was winter. Instead of going for the usual boosters to skyrocket you into your day, why not try one of the above suggestions. The only thing you’ve got to lose is your mid-day caffeine crash and, I’ve got a sinking feeling it won’t be missed.
10 Questions to Ask Yourself to Gauge Your Own Well-Being
Well-being is defined as “the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.” In today’s world, the phrase “I’m fine”, is the most overused statement when anyone asks you how you are. It’s an easy answer and, for the most part, gets people off of your back. The problem with that is we have become programmed to give that response when in fact we really aren’t fine at times. At that point, it is imperative to take inventory of our own lives and ask ourselves these 10 questions to asses how we feel and what really is the state of our well being. How am I sleeping? We all have those nights. You are exhausted, you lay your head down with the expectation of falling asleep immediately. However, the moment you close your eyes, your mind begins to race. It gets so hard to turn down the volume in our own heads and, we begin to look at the clock and say, “ok, if I fall asleep in the next 30 minutes, I will get 5 hours and, I can function on that.” Getting adequate sleep is not only important for your physical health and daily functioning but, if you are lacking in the sleep department, it is a clear indicator that there is a bigger issue that you may need to tackle in life. How is my hygiene? Raise your hand if you have ever been going through a difficult time and spent the entire weekend in the same pajamas, unshowered, laying on the couch watching movies. I’m sure if we were sitting in a room, there would be quite a few hands up in the air. A lazy weekend isn’t always a bad thing but, when that begins to carry on, day in day out, that becomes a problem. Your physical appearance is an outward representation of how you view yourself. Walking around unkept is the same as wearing a sign around your neck that says “IDGAF!” If that is the case, it’s time to start asking yourself, “why?” On average, how is my mood? My therapist (yes, I see a therapist and, I’m proud of it), once gave me homework to write down my mood at the end of each day for one week. At our next meeting, I realized that 5 out of those seven days, I was in a bad mood. Having that undisputable evidence in front of my face forced me to take a look at what was going on in my life and, why I was allowing it to affect me so much. It allowed me to turn that frown upside-down. What is the state of my living space? The space around you is always a clear indicator of how your life is going. For me personally, if there are dishes in the sink and an overflowing laundry basket, it is a sign that I am stressed. Coming home each day to a clean and organized environment can instantly lift your mood. Your home becomes your happy place and your sanctuary. If you are dreading going home because your place is starting to resemble a pig pen, ask yourself why you are allowing yourself to live that way. When is the last time I laughed? There is a saying, “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” Could there be a more true statement? I personally live for the days that I laugh so hard my stomach feels like I did a million sit-ups. Days like that become timeless memories. If you can’t remember the last time you laughed, you need to start examining where is the happy in your life? When is the last time I spent time with people I love? Life is busy and some days you need some peace and quiet but, there is a thing as too much quiet time. When you would rather isolate than spend time with people you love that will tell you one of two things; you are trying to hide something from your loved ones or perhaps, they aren’t the right people to have in your life. If it is the latter, there are approximately 7.3 billion people in this world that you can get to know and enjoy your life with. If it’s the former, it’s time to let your loved ones know what is going on. Remember, they love you for a reason! How is my diet? I’ve said it before and, I’ll say it again. CHEESE IS LIFE! I love cheese and could have it as a part of every meal. It’s perfection on a pizza, on a burger, and loaded on fries and nachos. I may want to have cheese all the time but, my body might disagree with me. Aside from the physical aspects, numerous studies have shown that eating poorly can increase depression and anxiety. It may also be an indicator that you are using food as a comfort in your life instead of dealing with the underlying issue. Plain and simple, what you’re eating affects how you’re feeling. Am I engaging in behaviors that make me feel bad about myself? This one is a big one for those of us in recovery. While in treatment, I’m sure everyone told you to stay away from people, places, and things that fueled your addiction. Doing that got you to a low point that made you want to break your cycle and start living a better life, free of drugs and alcohol. If you find yourself back in your old cycle and you don’t like who you are becoming, it’s time to make a change. How are my finances? Money can be a giant stress for anyone but, the way you handle your money says a lot about your well-being. Mishandling your money is one of the number one signs that your life is out of balance. I used to hate paying bills and now, I love it. The reason I love it is because I know
10 Songs to Listen to in Recovery
Music one of the best therapeutic tools that we have. The artists below found motivation in writing and releasing their songs in hopes it would reach out and inspire someone. Use these songs, or others that speak to you, in times of need and know that you will get through tough times. 1. “Starting over” by Macklemore “If I can be an example of getting soberThen I can be an example of starting over We fell so hardNow we gotta get back what we lost” We all may make mistakes when changing our behaviors. This song, and many of Macklemore’s songs tell us it is okay to keep trying and that everyone struggles sometimes. 2. “Dare you to move” by Switchfoot “Tension is here. Between who you are and who you could be. Between how it is and how it should be. Maybe redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go Where you gonna go? Salvation is here. I dare you to move…” This is an older pick for a song and it is a good one. It talks about how action is going to get you through hard times and do not forget that. 3. “Alive” by Sia “And I’m still breathing, I’m still breathingI’m still breathing, I’m still breathingI’m alive (You took it all, but I’m still breathing)” Sia is an amazing artist from lyrics to vocals. This song highlights the focus that no matter how difficult or how many obstacles you have been through or are yet to happen, that you are still here and fighting. 4. “If you want love” by NF “If you want love, you gon’ have to go through the painIf you want love, you gon’ have to learn how to changeIf you want trust, you gon’ have to give some awayIf you want love, if you want love” NF is a powerful musician and his lyrics are crucial. If we all want change and to work through things that have been difficult, we have to make sacrifices and remember that over time change will come. This is not an easy message to remember, however, it is an important one. 5. “Praying” by Kesha “I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’I hope your soul is changin’, changin’I hope you find your peaceFalling on your knees, prayin’” Kesha wrote this song to show her struggles and how she persevered through them. This song highlights that guidance can come from outside of us when we just don’t have the strength to get through it alone. This is an important message to remember. 6. “The Fighter” by Gym Class Heroes “Here comes a fighterThat’s what they’ll say to me, say to meSay to me, this one’s a fighter” This song promotes the inner strength and motivation that is important when working through issues and struggles. Everyone willing to work and better themselves is a fighter. 7. “Otherside” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis “We live on the cusp of death thinkin’ that it won’t be usIt won’t be us, it won’t be us, it won’t be usNah, it won’t be us” When we are struggling with change, our thoughts can tell us things that are not always true, and this song exemplifies that. This is another Macklemore pick that inspires to keep holding on through the hard times. 8. “By the Grace of God” by Katy Perry “…Laying on the bathroom floor. We were living on a fault line. And I felt the fault was all mine. Couldn’t take it anymore. By the grace of God. There was no other way. I picked myself back up. I knew I had to stay. I put one foot in front of the other. And I looked in the mirror. And decided to stay…” Katy Perry has said that this song was largely inspired by the difficulties she faced while going through her separation from Russel Brand. The song explores the struggles we all may face at times and the heaviness of it; however, it provides a glimpse into the strength thats within us all to move on. 9. “Hunger” by Florence and the Machine “I thought that love was in the drugsBut the more I took, the more it took awayAnd I could never get enough” She speaks a raw truth about searing for a tangible answer in emotional or spiritual problems. She goes on to normalize the feelings and urges we all have and attempts to provide hope in the search for those answers. “Don’t let it get you down, you’re the best thing I’ve seenWe never found the answer but we knew one thingWe all have a hunger” 10. “Drug Addiction” by Colicchie “My pain’s deep, I have been through hellI managed to survive so I got a story to tell” The story that he tells is a relatable one that ends with solutions and hope to the worries that we have. “I felt pain, look I’m not afraid to cryMy life changed once I was willing to tryI’ve been giving many chances now it’s truly do or die” It’s now time to update your playlist! Are You Trying to Quit Using Drugs or Alcohol? We offer an array of addiction treatment services & therapies Author: Stephanie Pruefer, LPC, CADC – Footprints to Recovery – Primary Counselor
8 Practical Tips from a Therapist to Use Every Day
There are many different tips a therapist could share; however, the below is a set of easy to remember and effective concepts anyone can implement. Whether we practice it or not, we’re all familiar with the term: patience. We’ll use the acronym P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E. to easily remember the below tips, but also as a gentle reminder that change of any kind requires endurance. P: Pay attention to your body and your needs. Behaviors are a way of communication. Observe your behaviors and look for what it is you’re trying to communicate. Once you are able to identify those needs you are able to ask for help. For example: is your heart beating fast? Are you tired? Are you noticing increased irritability? Listen to yourself and learn when its time to ask for help. A: Ask for help. Every day is a different day and if you’re experiencing a struggle reach out for help. Identify a safe person that you know you can always reach out to for help. Asking for help is important to recovery so you aren’t in this alone. Chances are others have experienced it as well and can provide you with a new skill to help you overcome the struggle. T: Identify a trusted individual, or perhaps even a professional who you can just talk to. There is such a power in talking and processing things, we should all practice open lines of communications. I: Intuition. Practice listening to yourself and trusting yourself. There can be self-doubt on whether you are ready to trust yourself to make healthy decisions. Engage in meditation and self- exploration to understand yourself and strengthen your intuition. E: Explore yourself. Growth comes with understanding yourself, behaviors, and needs. Take time to explore who you are and what you want. Just a few moments a day on self-reflection can nurture and promote growth. For example: learn pieces of your identity (spirituality, self-care activities, nutrition, ways to have fun, and identifying others who promote healthy growth in your life.) N: Nurture yourself. Be kind and have patience with yourself. Meditate daily to learn relaxation and positive coping skills. Eat healthy, learning self-soothing techniques, and use positive self-talk. Positive self-talk is a powerful skill to change the way you think and see yourself. C: Change. Change is inevitable but often times something that we have the most difficult time with. You must first identify what needs to change and then make reasonable commitments to reach the goal. Take change slowly. Identify one thing you would like to focus on and change throughout the day. E: Experience. Find the opportunity in every experience. If you change your mindset to find an opportunity even in the most uncomfortable tasks you will begin to develop a positive outlook and find purpose. So much learning and growth can be found in new experiences. Recovering from addiction means finding new experiences. It may be trial and error before finding the right fit, but no matter what, keep trying and you can reach a better quality of life. The biggest growth comes from reflection within and learning to understand yourself. Final note: set an intention for each day first thing in the morning. That intention could be positivity, joy, calmness, peace etc. Putting a positive intention out can set the tone to have a great day. Author: Laura Golden, MSW, LSW – Footprints to Recovery – Substance Abuse Counselor
5 Reasons to Take a Break from Dating in Early Recovery
Sobriety can leave a lot of space in your life that was formerly filled by drugs and alcohol. It’s tempting to fill that space with the excitement of a new relationship, but early sobriety and relationships don’t often mix well. Recovery can be fulfilling and gratifying, but it’s also hard work, and adding dating into recovery can make that work harder. Right now your time is better spent focusing on yourself, gaining back your sense of self and learning healthy coping skills. What Is Early Recovery? There’s no hard-and-fast rule for what’s considered early recovery, but the general consensus is that the first 90 days of sobriety are especially critical. The risk of relapse can be high during this vulnerable time. Many people believe that, in general, the first year of recovery is toughest. It’s normal to struggle with the transition back into everyday life without drugs or alcohol, and it takes a while to hit your stride in recovery, knowing what you need to stay healthy and prevent relapse. Why Not Date in Early Recovery? One of the most common early sobriety tips is to hold off on relationships after rehab. There’s good reason for that. Dating too soon after getting sober can: 1. Replace Your Addiction As you probably learned in addiction treatment, your drug and alcohol abuse were symptoms of something else. You may have misused substances as a way to self-soothe mental health issues, trauma, or unhealthy relationships. Hopefully, you’ve begun to work through those underlying issues and you’re learning healthier ways to cope with emotional pain. Human nature is to seek out good experiences and feelings and avoid negative ones. A new relationship can feel good. It can activate the same reward chemicals in the brain that substances do. Studies show intense romantic love can mimic symptoms of substance abuse and other addictions, including: Craving Euphoria Physical and emotional dependence Tolerance Withdrawal Relapse Devoting all your time and energy to another person can serve the same unhealthy purpose(s) that drugs and alcohol did, if you’re not careful. It can evolve into a love or sex addiction. Your best bet is to stay single and sober until you get a stronger foothold in recovery. 2. Distract from Recovery Work Navigating everyday life and the triggers it brings is especially challenging in the first year of recovery. Outpatient treatment, support groups, and therapy are all critical as you transition back into real-life situations. Stocking your recovery toolbox with healthy coping skills is also an important focus. During the new days of a relationship, your attention naturally goes to the other person. You’re busy getting to know their likes and dislikes, their background and hopes for the future. It’s easy to become consumed by this, putting them in the spotlight and your recovery work backstage. 3. Mirror Past Relationships For many people who struggle with addiction, unhealthy relationships and attachment styles have been the norm from an early age. Even though you may know the qualities of a healthy relationship on paper, putting that into practice in life is a whole new challenge. Early sobriety and relationships is a combination that can plummet you back into old patterns. Dating in recovery can be a wonderful experience, but there’s no reason to rush it. Wait until you’re secure in yourself, more confident in your recovery, and have a clear picture of what you want in a partner and what healthy connections look like before you open that door. Building healthy friendships and learning how to hold boundaries with loved ones and others is a good way to practice relationship skills before you try out dating in recovery. 4. Bring Out Your Mask It’s natural to want to put on your “best face” when you’re attracted to someone. But that may mean putting on a “mask” and hiding your true self to show that person who you think they want to see. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a good impression, but in early recovery, there’s a fine line between bringing out your best and being inauthentic. A big part of recovery is rediscovering your true self and accepting and loving that person. Any situation that sends a message that you’re not good enough just as you are can thwart that process. 5. Put You at Risk for Relapse In early recovery, you need to be diligent about avoiding triggers until you have the support system and healthy coping skills to be around them. This can take months—even years. Recovery and relationships can be triggering for many. Dating, intimacy, and romantic relationships can bring up trauma, emotional pain, or fears of abandonment, which may be some of the issues linked to your substance abuse. Even if dating in recovery doesn’t trigger you, a break-up very well could. There’s no guarantee a relationship will last. It can be all too easy to justify a heartbreak as a reason to use drugs and alcohol to temporarily ease the emotional pain you’re feeling. If You Do Decide to Date in Early Recovery… If you decide to give sober dating a try in early recovery, proceed with caution, and follow this advice: Pay attention to your sense of self – If it’s getting lost, get out of the relationship and rediscover your sense of self. Lean on your peers in recovery – Twelve-step meetings, SMART Recovery, or other recovery groups are so important in recovery. Don’t skip them. Work closely with a therapist, and be honest with them – If you find yourself hiding details about your dating life from your counselor or friends, it’s a big red flag. Look out for old patterns – If a date reminds you of a previous partner or relationship when you were abusing substances, the relationship may not be a healthy one. Don’t date someone who’s abusing drugs or alcohol – It’s too much weight for your new sobriety to bear. Just say no. You Will Date Again—When You’re Ready Just because you’re taking a
7 Ways to Combat Negative Self-Talk
Self-talk is the stream of thoughts and dialogue in your mind. It may take on several roles such as your inner critic, inner cheerleader, inner child, or inner adult. Self-talk is something everyone experiences regularly. It’s often linked to past experiences, core beliefs, and distorted cognitive processes. Self-talk can be driven by negative thoughts and feelings and can have a deep impact on self-esteem and perception of the world. Negative self-talk can largely impact self-esteem and maladaptive behaviors, which can fuel challenges like addiction and mental health issues. Examples of Negative Self-Talk There are some common patterns that people have around negative thinking and negative self-talk. Types of negative self-talk include: Personalizing You blame yourself for anything bad that happens with no evidence. You seem to always be beating yourself up. For example, a friend or coworker is in a bad mood and you immediately think it’s because you’ve done something to make them mad. Negative self-talk that personalizes a situation might be something like, “I’ve messed up again and now my friend is mad at me and I’ve caused their bad mood.” Catastrophizing Your mind always turns to the worst-case scenario. For example, you make a small mistake on a work report and automatically expect that you’ll be fired, won’t be able to pay your rent, and end up out on the street. Negative self-talk that catastrophizes could be the voice in your head saying, “I can’t do anything right and now I’ll be homeless and destitute because of it.” Filtering You only focus on the negative and filter out any positive in your life. For example, you had a great day, where most things went right, but then the deli got your order wrong, and you stew about that instead of focusing on all the good things about your day. An example of negative self-talk around filtering is telling yourself, “Nothing good ever happens to me. Life is unfair and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Changing Negative Self Talk You can overcome negative thinking and stop negative self-talk with attention to your patterns and hard work to change them. Here are seven ways to help you change negative self-talk: 1. Become Aware of Negative Self-Talk Becoming aware of negative thinking patterns and their impact on mood and behavior is the first step. Here are two examples to start doing that: 2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk As you get better at recognizing negative thinking patterns, you can begin to dive deeper and develop new patterns of thinking. Many times, negative thoughts are connected to irrational beliefs. Catch yourself and challenge these thoughts. Using concrete, positive affirmation is a great place to start. Instead of “I am never going to get this right,” challenge the thought with “I am doing my best, and my best is enough.” Retraining your mind and shifting your lens takes time and practice. 3. Practice Positive Self-Talk There are many ways to practice positive self-talk. One way is to focus on your blessings. When negative self-talk begins, try shifting your attention to the positive in your life, no matter how small it is. This is a simple yet powerful way to break the cycle of negativity. Whether it’s setting aside a minute or two before bed to reflect on the day, identifying five things that we are thankful for, or keeping a gratitude journal, practicing gratitude is not only a coping skill but an overall mindset. 4. Step Outside of Yourself Sometimes when you’re stuck in a negative thought cycle, it can be helpful to shift perspectives. Try asking yourself, “What would my best friend say?” or “Would I talk to my best friend like this?” Developing self-talk that has a foundation of self-love and compassion is powerful and can really combat the cycle of negativity. Talk to yourself the way you would speak to a loved one, taking a stance of empathy and encouragement. 5. Talk It Out There are times when you need to lean on your support systems to get out of your head and challenge negativity. Talking to someone in your network, a loved one or a therapist, can help you sort out what’s reality and what’s just your negative thinking about yourself and the world. 6. Put It on the Shelf At times, negative thoughts may feel so overwhelming that the best thing to do is take a break and step away. Visualize taking the negative thought or irrational belief and putting it on a shelf, or in a box — whatever works for you. This can help give you a moment of clarity. When the hamster wheel of negative thinking is spinning and you feel you can’t challenge those thoughts at the moment, put them on the shelf. Revisit them at a time that better serves you. Maybe later that night when you’re writing in your journal, or maybe later that week when you are at a support group or with your therapist. Visualization is an effective skill to manage thinking and increase a sense of control over thoughts. 7. Focus on the Present Moment Mindfulness is a tool that may not only combat negative thinking, but provides a sense of relief, giving you the ability to stop and refocus. Wherever your mind wanders, you have the power to bring it back to this moment and focus on the hope within the present. Breathing exercises, grounding, and meditation are all ways to focus on the now and break free from the grip of negative thoughts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) For Negative Self-Talk Cognitive behavioral therapy is a research-backed approach that helps you identify negative thoughts and how these relate to your behaviors and self-esteem. It teaches you how to challenge negative thinking and beliefs about yourself and replace them with more positive ones. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown effective in helping reduce negative self-talk tied to unhealthy coping skills like substance abuse. When negative self-talk is fueling addiction and other destructive behaviors, it’s time to seek
Spring Cleaning for the Soul
The birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming and there is a faint smell of freshly mowed grass in the air. That’s right, it’s springtime. When I think of the word spring, I have one word I typically associate with it… cleaning. Time to open the windows, sweep the dust bunnies out of the corners and put away all of my winter gear (due to mother nature being a bit of a prankster this year, I may wait till June to do this last one). We all make those new years resolutions promising to change things in our lives to become our best selves in the new year. For those of us who have not stayed on track (hand raised), spring is the perfect time to get started on becoming our best selves. So, let’s get started! 1. Declutter If you are like me, you may have an area or two in your life (room, office, car, or daily bag) that looks like a tornado blew through it. For me, it’s my work bag. A pit of lose change, old straw wrappers, receipts, and any other thing you can think of that I may come into contact with in my day to day life. Every time I go to grab my keys or my wallet, I’m left searching for them in the pit of despair. I’m left in a constant state of panic wondering if I left them somewhere or they fell out of my bag. Organizing an area of your life that is in disarray can be an extremely gratifying experience. When you have order in your life, it gives you a sense of harmony. Having a serene space will provide you with a sense of gratitude for what you have and take away the anxiety of having to live in chaos. Remember, you become the energy you surround yourself with. 2. Rid yourself of toxic relationships They say 89% of people will at some point in their life be involved in a toxic relationship. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic one. Some people have toxic friends or family members. These relationships tend to make you feel taken advantage of and leave you feeling hurt. Well, it’s time to clean them out of your life! Delete them on social media so they aren’t given a window into what is going on in your life. Block their phone number so they aren’t able to contact you to pull you back in. Write a goodbye letter to them telling them everything they did to hurt you and why you no longer want them in your life. Then, throw that letter away! You heard me right, throw it away. You aren’t sending the letter because you don’t want that relationship to mend. You are writing down your feelings and throwing the letter away because you need to mend and that means, cleaning that person out of your life. Remember, if you continue to keep bad relationships around, you won’t have room for good ones to come into your life. 3. Find your passion What did you do yesterday or the day before that? Did you love it? Was it making your day better? Was it getting you to the place in life you ultimately want to be? If your answer is no, you aren’t doing something that you are passionate about. Now, if your passion is to become an actor, I don’t suggest you quit your day job and start auditioning for Broadway plays but, everyday you should do something that makes you feel good and gets you closer to your dream. How do you expect to do that when you go to work, come home, make dinner, and sit on the couch watching tv till you fall asleep? Enroll in an acting class or audition for a theater production in your community. Download monologues and practice reading them in the mirror until you figure out which one suits you best. The point is to push yourself each day to get to the place you want to be. When you clear out all of the things you are doing that aren’t serving you, you will be amazed at how much time you have for the things you love. Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. 4. Journal I never used to keep a journal. To be honest, I didn’t see the point. Then one day, I was so anxious about something at work, I didn’t sleep that night or the next or the next. Every time I would lay my head down to sleep, I kept thinking about the situation and, how much I hated it and, how there was nothing I could do to change it and, how I was going to have to deal with it the next day. One day, a coworker told me to journal at night everything that was racing in my mind. I thought it was silly but, I went to Barnes and Noble and got myself a journal. I assumed I would just start listing the few things that I was upset about but instead, that turned into 3 pages of me listing what I didn’t like, how it made me feel, and what I wanted to happen. After I wrote it all, I felt two things, relieved and exhausted. I had finally gotten it all out. I wrote until I felt content. I laid my head down that night and fell right to sleep. Since then I do not journal every single night but, when my mind is racing, I journal to get all of my thoughts out. Cleaning out the negative leaves your mind empty and open to fill with solutions to turn the negative into a positive. So, grab that broom, I mean pen and clear out your mind. Remember, clearing your mind helps you listen to your heart. The word spring means “to move or jump suddenly or rapidly upward or forward.” When we
Embracing Our Dark Sides: Self-Acceptance of Our Best & Worst Selves
The first step to self-acceptance is accepting that you can’t accept yourself at this moment. Sounds simple, right? The words are easy to say, but the reality of self-acceptance is not a comfortable journey. Some days we can accept who we are. And some days we just can’t. The truth of who you are and the fantasy of who you want to be can keep you from accepting yourself. Self-Esteem vs. Self-Acceptance Self-esteem refers to how valuable we see ourselves, self-acceptance is a deeper level of accepting yourself. We base our self-esteem on our accomplishments and achievements. People easily confuse self-esteem and self-acceptance. They are both essential ingredients of emotional health. Self-esteem can be shattered when things do not go to plan, losing a job, or not getting into the college of your choice. When our self-esteem is damaged, it can be challenging to recover. True self-acceptance is embracing ALL parts of yourself–not just your positive traits but your negative traits as well. Self-acceptance is unconditional. You are aware of your limits and weaknesses without allowing them to interfere with accepting yourself. Self-esteem increases, the more we accept and love ourselves. Loving ourselves comes from self-acceptance. And we can only love ourselves by not judging ourselves. Only speak positively about yourself. Self-acceptance is a journey; you can not just will it to happen. Those with addiction and mental health disorders suffer from both low self-esteem and low self-acceptance. Each day in recovery can bring you closer to accepting your whole self. What Determines Our Self-Acceptance? Similar to self-esteem, as children, our self-acceptance is based on our parent’s acceptance of us. Parents who are encouraging and give positive feedback, cultivate self-acceptance in their children. Children misbehave, but that does not make them bad children. A parent who continually tells their children how bad they are will cultivate negative self-images. Self-acceptance is not only based on accepting behaviors. For example, if you were told you were selfish, not pretty enough, or not kind enough, it can damage the ability to accept yourself. Because we have all experienced some form of emotional abuse, we view ourselves as conditionally acceptable. We are extremely hard on ourselves. Self-criticism amplifies our problems as adults. Speaking negatively about ourselves and internalizing the rejection from parents and the outside world can lead to substance use disorders. It is easy to berate, blame, and physically abuse ourselves if that is the environment you grew up around. 3 Ways To Become More Self-Accepting Three ways to become more self-accepting are: Accepting ourselves without conditions is easy when we are raised in a supportive and encouraging environment. If that was not the case for you, then it is up to you to build your self-worth. Build yourself up, talk positively to yourself. Stop judging yourself. Keep in mind some small goals for you to reach when you reach those goals, set bigger goals. You are important, and you must keep that in mind when you are feeling down. Re-evaluate the people you surround yourself with and create a positive support group who believes in you. Robert Holden’s book, Happiness Now, states, “Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand.” Self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the happier you allow yourself to be. You will only be as happy as you feel you are worthy of being. And each person is worthy of the greatest of happiness. Letting go of guilt is essential in becoming more self-accepting. Your past has gotten you where you are today. It’s provided you with both vulnerabilities and strengths. Your past has the potential to become an important part of your life. And an even more significant part of your life when you embrace it. After you contemplate the events, relationships, and feelings of the past, you will gain insight as to who you are and who you are. Let go of the extravagant and unattainable ideas of how your recovery should go. Forgive yourself for past wrongdoings, hardships, or mistakes. Self-acceptance is a difficult process, and you must remember to be patient with yourself. Becoming more self-accepting requires that we begin to understand that we’re not what we have been told, whether it’s our looks, intellect, or any questionable behavior. Our actions have all been coerced by some combination of background and biology. Going forward, we absolutely can take responsibility for ways we’ve hurt or wronged others. But if we are to work on becoming more self-accepting productively, we must do so with compassion and forgiveness in our hearts. We need to realize that, up to this point, we could not have behaved differently. 5 Stages of Improving Self-Acceptance Psychologist Christopher Germer explains in his book The Mindful Path To Self-Compassion that self-acceptance development occurs in five stages. Stage 1: Aversion It is human instinct to respond to uncomfortable feelings with avoidance, resistance, or rumination ( continued thinking of a problem to fix it). We all have avoidance behaviors, drinking, overeating, or working too much. We may not even be aware of what we are feeling, but the uncomfortable feelings can lead to avoidance behaviors. The path to self-acceptance is not to avoid feelings. Be mindful of feelings. Process the feelings, and do not push them away. Stage 2: Curiosity When you face your feelings and aversion no longer works, curiosity takes over. You want to learn more about why you feel the way you do. Curiosity can cause some anxiety, but nonetheless, it is an essential step in self-acceptance. Question the feeling. What are you feeling? What led to this feeling? How can I overcome this feeling? Being curious about every aspect of your feelings is vital to building a strong sense of well-being and self-acceptance. Stage 3: Tolerance Tolerance is enduring the pain, but wishing it would go away. You may resist the pain and even fake being happy. It is not a comfortable journey to confront the pain and heal it and not just tolerate it. Old habits
Learn to Love Yourself in Recovery
Low self-worth can go hand-in-hand with addiction. Self-esteem issues may have contributed to substance abuse, and the guilt and shame of addiction can perpetuate it. Mending the emotional wounds of drug and alcohol abuse takes time. Learning to love yourself is part of that. It’s about getting to know yourself and the person that was buried by drugs and alcohol and learning to like and accept that person. When you’re constantly focused on your perceived flaws, past mistakes, and a laundry list of items for self-improvement that’s a difficult charge. Learning to love yourself in addiction recovery and accept your authentic self is often easier said than done. So much of your identity was wrapped up in your addiction. Now that you have found freedom from drugs and alcohol, you’re left with facing all the different parts of yourself — even the ones you perceive as “flawed” or “bad.” Finding self-love is one of the most rewarding and life-changing things you can do; but it doesn’t come without challenges. There are small steps you can take to learn to love yourself in recovery. You can come to terms with who you once were and who you have come to be now. Here are a few ways to begin to learn to love yourself: #1 Forgive Yourself Forgiveness is so important in recovery. People who’ve struggled with addiction often find it hard to forgive themselves for their behaviors around drugs and alcohol. You cannot change your past; you can only learn from it. Be kind and gentle with yourself. When you focus on the past, you rob yourself of who you’ve chosen to be today. Your past can only define you if you let it. Taking responsibility for your mistakes is one thing but continuing to beat yourself up over them will only impede your ability to move forward. Accept yourself as is. Allow yourself to be flawed and full of imperfections, because the truth is, we all are. Celebrate victories of growth, and practice not beating yourself up over small mistakes. You are your own worst critic. To learn to love yourself and find peace, you need to accept that perfection is unattainable for anyone. Remember, even the people you admire make mistakes. Be kind to yourself and allow room to be human. #2 Practice Gratitude It’s easy to make a list of everything you want to change to be happy. Instead, make a list of everything you love about yourself and your life. Research shows that practicing gratitude can: Set a timer for five minutes. Write down as many things you are grateful for in that time as you can. Include the little things. Next, list the attributes about yourself that are positive and unique to you. Forcing yourself to list the best parts of you will help you realize you’re a better person than you gave yourself credit for. Try setting aside time to express gratitude every single day. For example, list five things in a gratitude journal every evening that you’re grateful for. Everyone has a light inside themselves that can be clouded by negative self-image, especially if you’ve struggled with drug and alcohol addiction. It just takes a little practice to shine light on all the good in yourself and learn to love yourself. #3 Set Boundaries Boundaries are something many people struggle with. Maybe you think if you say no to someone, that makes you selfish. In reality, setting boundaries and saying no to things or people that can put your recovery in jeopardy and harm you physically, emotionally, or spiritually are the greatest forms of self-love. You are choosing to put your happiness first. You are choosing to let others know that you value yourself and your happiness is just as important as theirs. You are choosing to not participate in things out of your comfort zone that could impact your sobriety. If you’ve been in any form of addiction treatment, you probably learned how critical boundaries can be in preventing relapse. #4 Surround Yourself With Supportive People Anyone that makes you feel bad about yourself does not deserve to be in your life. Having toxic people around can destroy your self-worth. Make sure the people in your life are positive and give you encouragement, especially when it comes to recovery. In doing so, you are telling yourself, “I am a great person and I deserve to feel love every day.” Work on your relationship with yourself as well. Make sure that voice in your head is one that’s supportive and loving. #5 Celebrate Your Wins Would you only celebrate your 30th birthday? What about your 26th, 27th, 28th, or 29th? Those are all important! It’s the same in recovery. Your second day is just as important as your second year. No victory is too small. Everything that you work for to make happen is a victory and should make you feel great about who you are and what you have accomplished. Celebrate yourself and all that you’ve worked so hard for every chance you get. Treat yourself, do things you enjoy, and share about your accomplishments with people who appreciate you. #6 Give Back The act of giving opens up a treasure chest of love and positive emotions that will help you learn to love yourself in a fresh and vibrant way. Volunteer with disadvantaged youth at a local community center or start small by performing small acts of kindness for people at home or work. The love in your heart for others will begin to multiply, leaving almost no room to dislike yourself. #7 Make Self-Care a Priority Self-care is an open doorway to our own self-love and acceptance in the human experience. When you learn to love yourself, you take care of yourself. Everything that we consume affects our emotions and energy levels. Exercise and movement can boost your mood and self-confidence. Focusing on yourself and ways you can stay physically and mentally healthy is key to self-love as well
